ALLEZ CUISINE, MOTHER EFFERS!
THE FOLLOWING NON-BLOG ENTRY pertains to the Twittering you see in the upper right hand corner of this NON-BLOG.
SPECIFICALLY, I SUGGESTED that the reason there is no annoying, twee, foodie rap styling comparable to nerdcore is that no good rhyme exists to match the words:
“I’VE GOT MORE GUTS THAN FERGUS HENDERSON.”
ONCE AGAIN, the hive mind disagreed with me and set to prove me wrong. Here are some of my favorite rhymes, Twitterian punctuation preserved.
–SUBMITTED BY TWITTER-ER coleenky: “She had no thyme, so I thought I’d lend her some.”
NB: I think we must agree that thyme is the chronic of twee, foodie rap.
–SUBMITTED BY TWITTER-ER kungfoodie: “…im suckin down foie gras like nobody’s business then.”
NB: Kungfoodie then continued to freestyle on to a second twitter. I can’t quite follow the meter of it, but she gets credit for esoterica and the only bone marrow reference of the bunch.
BEGIN QUOTED TEXT
“I be eatin haggis and brawn – mah huntsman stuffed in 7 grain brown/shut yo trap – you be up in your frisée – spankin organics – while i’m cruisin down high street – suckin the marrow with mah man.”
END QUOTED TEXT
–SUBMITTED BY TWITTER-ER jimmyfallon, in the least-expected contributor category: “Geezers on the hill eatin’ Cadbury’s with Venison.”
NB: While there were many contributions that used venison, the gamiest of rhymes, like Kungfoodie, Fallon gets credit for MAD ANGOLPHILIA.
–SUBMITTED BY TWITTER-ER byrneout: “…I’m the pan your fat ass renders in.”
NB: Simple and believable. As sublimely plain as a recipe by the man himself. A good lunch.
***
THERE WERE SO MANY OTHERS, and I really must express my gratitude to all those who wrote back (especially those who were knowledgeable enough, yet restrained enough, not to make the rhyme “Parkinson’s”, which I honestly had not considered.)
UNFORTUNATELY, I had to disqualify the many fine entries that ended with “Felix Mendelssohn,” for that is a rhyme more suited to the genre of Romantic Period composer rap.
SIMILARLY, it pained me to disqualify adtothebone’s admirably arcane, but ultimately extraneous use of “widdershins,” as well as jaydeflix’s submission: “I’ve got guts like Fergus Henderson/laid’em out in the soysauce so they be tenderin’/Gonna wok them up and then play the theremin.”
BELIEVE ME, I’m willing to forgive any off-topic theremin reference. And arguably the soy sauce might act as a brine, and thus perform a very modest tenderizing action upon the guts, whatever they may be.
BUT THE FLAVOR here is too Asian for a Fergus Henderson rap. And also: it sounds disgusting.
That is all.
As a Twittering food blogger, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I should be allowed to freestyle. It’s like a whole world has been opened up to me. A whole brave, new world.
Soy sauce does act as a brine, but I don’t think of offal as requiring tenderin’.
Comment by Heather — January 7, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
…I’m the pan your fat ass renders in.
That’s fantastic, and I wish I’d thought of it. Kudos to @byrneout!
I’m glad you enjoyed my little rhyme. You are gracious as always, sir.
Comment by Colleenky — January 7, 2009 @ 2:32 pm
This confluence has blown my effing mind. Its like bacon-wrapped dates, but dipped in chocolate, rolled in cracklins, and drizzled with rhubarb syrup. Twitter. Fergus. Thyme = foodie chronic. Brain. Melting. Delicious.
Please sir, may I have some more?
Photo-documentation of two lovingly-simmered happy heirloom swine noggins, and their transformation into Warm Pig’s Head a la FH, plus accoutrements, can be found at:
http://flickr.com/photos/benderbending/sets/72157612119220028/
Comment by Brian Boyer — January 7, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
Yeah, Mendelssohn was the first (and only, I fear) rhyme that came to my mind. I had the good sense not to waste your time with it. Instead I’m wasting it with this comment. You’re welcome. These are all great twee foodie raps.
Comment by smackymcgee — January 7, 2009 @ 2:53 pm
Tangential to anything is this post, I thought I would share this article from the NYTimes today with you. Though, you probably have already seen it. In any case, here is a quote from the article to yet your palate:
“If you want to grab your shotgun, make sure you have very good aim — squirrels must be shot in the head; a body shot renders them impossible to skin or eat.”
Find the rest here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/07/dining/07squirrel.html
Comment by C.T. Pope — January 7, 2009 @ 4:43 pm
What no delete for typos correction? Man alive.
Comment by C.T. Pope — January 7, 2009 @ 4:46 pm
@C.T. Pope Tell that to the squirrel melt lady.
Comment by Heather — January 7, 2009 @ 5:36 pm
A little known but frequently if clandestinely employed culinary technique: A soy sauce marinade boosts the savory flavor of past-peak sweetbreads (preferably lamb and from the thymus, but if veal pancreas is all you can get, hey, soak ‘em if you got ‘em).
Comment by Ryan Dawe-Stotz — January 7, 2009 @ 11:37 pm
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008597545_pelicans07.html
Apparently California is trying to give Richmond a run for its money in unusual rain.
Comment by Dennis — January 8, 2009 @ 6:47 pm
I apologize for the pain I caused. Perhaps if you visualize the aforementioned entrails wound on a spit and being turned over a crackling fire, widdershins might seem a skosh more pertinent.
Sigh. Being bested by Jimmy Fallon is a grievous shame I will carry with me for the rest of my days.
Comment by Clayton Hove — January 9, 2009 @ 5:24 am
“If you want to grab your shotgun, make sure you have very good aim — squirrels must be shot in the head; a body shot renders them impossible to skin or eat.”
The squirrel-zombie connection is revealed at last!
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