FOR THE LAZY AND ILLITERATE
HELLO LAZY AND ILLITERATE FRIENDS! Go get a friend to read this imitation blog post to you, because you might find this news interesting.
YES: WE BEGIN RECORDING THE AUDIOBOOK OF “MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE” today.
BY WE, I mean: me and several surprise guests…
SOME OF WHOM will not be a surprise at all (COULTON!);
AND SOME OF WHOM will be a complete surprise… UNLESS YOU CHOSE THE POWER OF INVISIBILITY OVER FLIGHT AND ARE USING IT TO SPY ON ME.
(IN WHICH CASE, I SAY TO YOU: good job. You made the right choice.)
OTHERWISE, I SAY TO YOU: I cannot wait to see you all through the microphone as I record this “read-aloud version of a book for illiterate people and people too lazy to turn pages.”
That is all.
As one who is both lazy and illiterate (I am currently dictating this message to my trained gecko), I am naturally excited about this news.
Especially since I only purchased “More Information Than You Require” two days ago (laziness tends to yield procrastination) and haven’t had a chance to read it yet (illiteracy tends to yield the inability to read). Now, it looks like I may NEVER have to read it!
Comment by doggans — April 28, 2009 @ 7:58 am
I can’t wait. I hope Coulton makes up some wonderful songs about the presidents.
Comment by Lindsay — April 28, 2009 @ 9:04 am
Do not pop your P’s. Wipe spittle off the microphone at the end of each session. Do not un-gaff anything that has been gaffed.
Comment by Standard Design — April 28, 2009 @ 11:28 am
Perhaps you could mark chapter breaks with the familiar but vaguely sinister sound of long, dark, preternaturally powerful claws burrowing, always burrowing?
Comment by Danrex — April 28, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
About effing time!
I have long awaited thine dulcet tones and those of special guest – is it Paul Giammati?
Comment by Flannery — April 28, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
I am not lazy or illiterate. I just enjoy stealing things and books are harder to download from Pirate Bay.
Comment by Jacob — April 28, 2009 @ 5:32 pm
Does this mean the audiobook will not have pages to turn? All audio, no book? WHAT A RIPOFF.
Comment by Stardate — April 29, 2009 @ 2:52 am
Do you mean to suggest that invisibility is superior to flight? You must be nuts.
Comment by John — April 29, 2009 @ 1:41 pm
Coulton has claimed via Twitter that you are simply recording the Kindle’s robot voice for deadpan value. He may have simply reached this conclusion since you were replaced by a robot. I mean, really. Just watch “You’re Welcome – Auto Industry” and tell me that is not a robot. You cannot.
Comment by Cephas — April 29, 2009 @ 7:02 pm
As the dulcet tones of the Barbarella soundtrack wash over me, I find the timing of this news almost specific in it’s “Fantasdtic-Tude”
(and yes, by Tude… I mean Turd without the “R”)
Comment by AaronB — April 30, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Does anyone know when exactly I may begin eating this new audiobook? I grow hungry for aurally-transmitted knowledge.
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