I CONTINUE TO HIDE OUT in Internetless Hills, Massachusetts, with occasional trips to Progressive Valley to steal internet from the coffee shop.

SO I APOLOGIZE FOR “light posting,” which is really a disgusting way of describing MY LAZINESS HERE ON THE IMITATION BLOG.

MOSTLY I have used my emergency internet (TWITTER) to draw attention to the David Rees/Jamba Juice conflict. I am surprised this is not getting as much attention as health care and people being arrested in their own homes.

BUT NOT AS SURPRISED AS I AM by the number of people on the Internet who are willing to defend a major corporation’s patently loathsome campaign to convince workers to take vacations in their cubicles over an independent political cartoonist who gives most of his profits to land mine relief charities.

I REALIZE NOW that, as powerful a sentiment as INTERNET ANTI-COMMERCIAL UTOPIANISM may be, it is always trumped by INTERNET CONTRARIANISM.

(IN OTHER WORDS: the mehs have it.)

I WILL DISCUSS THIS SUBJECT and others tomorrow from the bully pulpit of the Bill Dwight Show, a radio program here in Progressive Valley normally hosted by Bill Dwight, except Bill Dwight is going on an ACTUAL VACATION and not just drinking juice and pasting up pictures of beaches in his cubicle, LIKE A HUMAN.

DAVID REES will be joining me by phone, and he will tell me WHAT ELSE IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. This will happen from 9AM to 10AM tomorrow morning, EST, and I hope you will listen.

That is all.

IF YOU ARE A FAN OF KNIFE THROWING

and

YOU ALSO WANT TO SEE JONATHAN AMES STABBED WITH A KNIFE

then

THIS EVENT IS NOT FOR YOU

because

THE KNIFE THROWER KNOWN AS “THROWDINI” is “the fastest and most accurate impalement artist” in the world, and so will only be throwing knives NEAR Jonathan Ames,  and not INTO HIM.

BUT IT WILL STILL BE FUN to go and celebrate the release of his new book of essays and stories, including one, called “BORED TO DEATH,” which is being made into an HBO TV show in which I make a small appearance pretending to punch and be punched by Jason Schwartzman.

It’s happening TOMORROW, a Thursday, July 16, at 7PM at Book Court.

THE GREAT “ONE RING ZERO” will also be there, not being hit by knives.

BUT ALAS: I WILL NOT BE THERE. I am still in the Internetless Hills, keeping things SLOW here and BORING on twitter.

IF YOU WANT MORE EXCITING BOREDOM THAN THIS, you can join in on the comments.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE

That is all.

SINCE I AM ON VACATION, I have decided to only write the blandest, least witty/interesting/meaningul tweets possible.

That is all.

I AM IN THE WEST OF THE EAST, largely hiding from the Internet in the Mountains of Internetless Hills, MA.

FROM TIME TO TIME, however, I will descend to buy copy and steal bandwidth from the Progressive Valley coffee shop.

IT IS A WONDEFUL COFFEE SHOP. They are very nice here, the coffee is great, and the vegetarian sausage is SURPRISINGLY GOOD.

BUT THEY VERY BOLDLY WALK THE CLICHE-LINE when it comes to progressive coffee shop stereotypes.

FOR EXAMPLE: this morning they are playing Nina Simone. Specifically: SUGAR IN MY BOWL. I love this song. It reminds me of when Bridget Fonda was a movie star. But if the Gypsy Kings comes on, I don’t know what I’ll do.

I JUST DON’T KNOW.

That is all.

UPDATE!: The owner of the cafe just came over to say hello. He was very nice. I felt very ashamed for writing this post. I really do enjoy this cafe a lot. MARK, IF YOU READ THIS: I AM SORRY.