AS I RECALL, LOUIS CK was a very nice, personable, funny person who was not DESPERATELY TRYING TO HUMILIATE ME.
BUT PERHAPS I DO NOT REMEMBER IT CORRECTLY, for television does not lie.
PLEASE DO GO SEE “The Invention of Lying” when it comes out on Oct 3.
That is all.
I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY TODAY, but the basic feeling is still the same.
I AM SAD AND GRATEFUL to be here. And I am glad you are here as well.
That is all.
WHY DID NONE OF YOU TELL ME about the return of John Sellers’s BRUCE CAMPBELL WATCH?
I REALIZE NOW what a mistake it was to go internetless this summer.
NEVER AGAIN.
MEANWHILE, please tell Sellers to keep it up.
That is all.
IT IS TRUE that the paperback edition of my second book of complete world knowledge, MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE will be available in paperback on November Third.
AROUND THAT SAME TIME, the audiobook of the same will be released in both DIGITAL and SHINY LASER DRINK COASTER form. 
WHILE THE PAPERBACK sadly features only me and my dumb words again, the audiobook allowed me to invite a small group of friends to contribute and, thus, SHARE THE BLAME (and also the red bull and the absinthe).
THESE PEOPLE INCLUDE:
MR. Jonathan Coulton!
MR. Dick Cavett!
DOCTOR Rachel Maddow!
MR. Paul F Tompkins!
MR. Zach Galifianakis
MR. MYSTERY GUEST!
AND the return of RUDD!
PLUS: expert title and chart narration by Ms. Robin “Goldie” Goldwasser, AS BEFORE!
IT’S NEVER BEEN A BETTER TIME TO FORGET HOW TO LEARN TO READ!
I will give you some tour dates soon.
THAT IS ALL.
1969, DALLAS, TX: The first ATM machine is installed. Standing for “AUTOMATED TELLER MACHINE MACHINE,” the first ATM could receive deposits and dispense cash (though only in coins) and was roughly the size of a city block. Despite its name, it was not wholly automated: A single human controller was required to supervise and make manual notations in the customer’s bankbook. He would sit in a little dome atop the machine. However, this bank employee was instructed to wear a tinfoil suit and talk like a machine so as not to ruin the futuristic effect.
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