HELLO, I’M JOHN HODGMAN.

DO YOU EVER NEED LUCHA LIBRE MASKS in an incredible hurry?

IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, the answer is:

YES! YES! WHAT IS YOUR POINT? WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG TO ANSWER?!!

WELL: I am here to tell you then that I cannot recommend CORAZON highly enough–for all of your incredibly rapid lucha libre mask needs.

THEY DID NOT LET SUPERBARRIO DOWN. They will not let you down.

That is all.

AS BLATANTLY HINTED NOW for several weeks,

THE PAGELESS “AUDIOBACK” EDITION of MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE is now available on COMPACT DISK and as a VIRTUAL LOAD-DOWN.

THE “PAPERBACK” EDITION, MEANWHILE, is still being calligraphed, page-ironed, and spine-pasted. It will be available on NOVEMBER 3, in honor of LAIKA, space-dog.

I WILL INDEED SOON be reading from the book and, I guess, SPINNING THE AUDIOBACK CDS IN FRONT OF A LIGHT BULB, in a bookstore and/or cultural center and/or theater near you.

(THAT IS, if you live near New York City, Kansas City, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Chicago, Ann Arbor, Dayton, Winston-Salem, and/or Miami).

YOU MUST FEEL NO OBLIGATION, but I do hope you will come by and say hello.

That is all.

AS YOU MAY RECALL, my most recent book of complete world knowledge, MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE, will be released in both PAPERBACK AND AUDIOBACK form on NOVEMBER 3RD–or thereabouts–of this year (2009).

IF YOU RECALL THIS, then you likely also recall that this book includes a feature entitled: “TODAY… IN THE PAST,” a useful page-a-day calendar that tells you A) THE DATE, which is handy to know; and B) A FACT THAT DID NOT HAPPEN ON THAT DATE, because I made it up.

NOW STARTING TODAY, October 27, of this year (2009…. YES, STILL!), you my also LOAD-DOWN this incredible calendar via iTunes COMPUTER PODCAST, absolutely for no charge. (Although, as before, I believe this applies to US users of iTunes only.)*

FINALLY: A PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR WITHOUT ALL THOSE ANNOYING PAGES, but with such recognizable guest voices as S. Vowell and Z. Galifianakis. This is TODAY… IN THE PAST, exactly as it appears in the full AUDIOBACK edition, but sent to you:

RIGHT NOW, AUTOMATICALLY, FOR FREE, AND VERY, VERY SLOWLY OVER 365 DAYS, plus one for leap year.

That is all.

*(UPDATE: Reports are circulating that this podcast is in fact available in Canada, UK, Ireland, and New Zealand. BUT WHAT ABOUT AUSTRALIA?)

HERE IS THE GREAT JOSH LIEB, co-exec-producer of “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,” sitting in front of nothingness, discussing his new book.

JOSH TRULY IS a Genius of Unspeakable Evil, but I have this question.

WHERE IS HIS ORANGE SWEATER? He wears it every day in the office. But now a button down shirt?

DUDE is throwing his whole BRAND away.

JOSH: please send in a picture or 7 of you in your orange sweater.

That is all.

AND HERE IT IS:

BUT WHERE is Huge Pacino?

ASK THEM.

THAT IS ALL.