I DIDN’T KNOW A YOUNG DAVID REES attended Hogwarts.

BUT PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE from the chamber of secrets says:

IT IS SO.

That is all.

MISTRESS OF SPAMASTERPIECE THEATER and all around PLATINUM-HEARTED HUMAN, Xeni Jardin visits Jordan! Jesse! GO!

LET’S GO

The Sound of Young America

That is all.

ATTN: PEOPLE OF MILWAUKEE

I SO VERY RARELY GET TO TYPE THOSE WORDS, but I am glad to do so now, because the Internet has told me:

THE COMEDIAN PATRICK BORELLI is in your city TONIGHT.

SPECIFICALLY, he will be presenting his lovingly curated collection of HORRIBLE BOOK COVERS, using slide projection and his very own voice.

AS REVEALED IN THIS INTERVIEW, I have seen Patrick do this before, and I am using this imitation blog to tell you: IT IS GOOD.

THIS IS ALL HAPPENING at 6PM THIS EVENING at the “Jackalope Lounj,” so named for the legendary jackalope’s legendarily poor spelling skills.

IT IS GOOD THAT IT IS SO EARLY, because then you can take Patrick out to dinner.

IF YOU ARE NOT IN MILWAUKEE, you may still use the Internet to watch below, as Patrick interviews several very good and successful book jacket designers (INCLUDING CHIP KIDD) about good and bad book design, including the INCREDIBLY UNFORTUNATELY TITLED BOOK:

“COOKING WITH POOH.”

You Should Judge A Book By Its Cover Interstitial Video #1 from pborelli on Vimeo.

THAT IS ALL.

AS YOU PEOPLE ARE INTERNET USERS, perhaps you also enjoy the FULLY WIRELESS TECHNOLOGY KNOWN AS RADIO?

IF SO, then allow me to recommend THE BEST SHOW ON WFMU.

EVERY TUESDAY EVENING, from 8-11, Tom Scharpling is besieged by a rogue’s gallery of strange friends and stranger callers. They try his patience, stoke the embers of his many grudges (DOLENZ!), inspire his equally numerous enthusiasms (ABBA!), and occasionally provoke him to one of his beautifully righteous, hulk-like rage-rants.

IN COLLUSION WITH HIS FREQUENT NEMESIS, Jon Wurster, countless FANCY GUESTS, and all on his own, Scharpling has perfected a new kind of comedy of aggrievement, and THE BEST SHOW is truly one of the most surprising and delightful pieces of culture I have ever ABSORBED THROUGH MY EARS.

I MENTION THIS NOW, because this very night, TWO THINGS ARE HAPPENING that require your kind attention.

FIRST, I will be joining TOM on his program this very evening. It is a special six hour program that you can listen to on the RADIO (91.1 FM in the NY/NJ area) or on the INTERNET.

SECOND, and more important, it is Tom’s birthday today. And as is traditional, he is celebrating his birthday by THREATENING US ALL.

IF TOM “@scharpling” SCHARPLING does not reach the arbitrary benchmark of 10,000 Twitter followers by tonight’s show, he will only play bad experimental music all night.

SO I IMPLORE YOU TO FOLLOW HIM, not only because it will make my evening much more pleasant, but also because I truly believe you will enjoy what he has to say, and also because I can tell you truly: TOM SCHARPLING IS  AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED, INSANELY BIG-HEARTED, RIGHTEOUS MAN-MONSTER who deserves your support.

AND IF YOU ARE HOARDING ANY DOUBT in your suspicious heart, I give you this conversation from last July between Scharpling and the famous comedian, Paul F. Tompkins, on the subject of THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS.

SORRY, THIRD COAST FESTIVAL, but this is the most important radio of our generation:

That is all.

GOOD-BYE and safe travels, Timothy McSweeney.

That is all.