COURTESY: Mr. Marcus Parcus

I APOLOGIZE AGAIN FOR HAVING TO ABRUPTLY CANCEL tomorrow night’s live recitation of “700 Mole-Man Names.”

PLEASE ALLOW ME NOW TO ABRUPTLY ANNOUNCE: we have now rescheduled.

ON SUNDAY NIGHT, JUNE 7, at 9:30 PM, I will read 700 Mole-Man names aloud into a microphone,

WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY, Jonathan Coulton will appropriately be playing “THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN“, an 18th century folksong, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

THIS WILL OCCUR AT UNION HALL, in Park Slope, NY, directly after Eugene Mirman’s fine comedy show. It is located at 702 Union Street, near 5th Avenue. DIRECTIONS MAY BE FOUND HERE.

IT IS THE SISTER VENUE of The Bell House, our former venue, and we are grateful to them for hastily accommodating us.

WHILE THE UNION HALL STAGE IS CONSIDERABLY SMALLER than the Bell House, it is, at least, UNDERGROUND.

IT WILL COST 10 dollars, in order to encourage you to REALLY, REALLY THINK about whether you want to actually sit quietly through approximately 100 minutes of Mole-Man names and their occupations, an 18th century folksong, some beer, and NOTHING ELSE.

SERIOUSLY.

IF THIS STILL SEEMS FUN TO YOU, tickets may be purchased HERE.

WHATEVER DECISION YOU MAKE, I am grateful to you.

THAT IS ALL.

DAY THREE of reading my book into a microphone (OR TRICKING OTHER PEOPLE INTO DOING SO) is now complete.

MORE DAYS OF SAME to come, but it has been a delightful thrill so far. A THRILL CONTAINED IN A VERY SMALL, HOT, AIRLESS ROOM so that the thrill cannot escape.

YESTERDAY I WORE A TUXEDO in the booth, and I did my imitation of a ukulele-ist as well. I regret there are no photos of this, though plenty others exist.

BUT LET ME PAUSE NOW and say:

FRIENDS, IF YOU SUFFER FROM POOR MOOD AND ILL CONFIDENCE, you could do worse than walk around in a tuxedo with a UKULELE. It is a marvelous combination, which I dubbed on Twitter the TUXUKE, until enough members of the twitter HIVE MIND pointed out that that sounds like some sort of Japanese tuxedo/ukulele porn.

IT MADE ME RECALL that I don’t recall if Dent May rocked the full TUXULELE when we both appeared at the great THACKER MOUNTAIN RADIO in Oxford, MS last fall. But he clearly does own a tuxedo, as THIS EMBEDDED MEDIA will prove.

THAT IS ALL.

HELLO LAZY AND ILLITERATE FRIENDS! Go get a friend to read this imitation blog post to you, because you might find this news interesting.

YES: WE BEGIN RECORDING THE AUDIOBOOK OF “MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE” today.

BY WE, I mean: me and several surprise guests…

SOME OF WHOM will not be a surprise at all (COULTON!);

AND SOME OF WHOM will be a complete surprise… UNLESS YOU CHOSE THE POWER OF INVISIBILITY OVER FLIGHT AND ARE USING IT TO SPY ON ME.

(IN WHICH CASE, I SAY TO YOU: good job. You made the right choice.)

OTHERWISE, I SAY TO YOU: I cannot wait to see you all through the microphone as I record this “read-aloud version of a book for illiterate people and people too lazy to turn pages.”

That is all.

HOWEVER, if you wish to see a complete and thorough ARCHIVAL MOVING IMAGE of me, COULTON, John Roderick, and Sean Nelson at Town Hall in Seattle…

THEN GOING HERE would be advised.

That is all.

PRESUMABLY IN AN EFFORT TO ANNOY ME, Coulton continues to claim that he is “playing a concert” tonight in the fictional American city of CHICAGO.

THIS, of course, is IMPOSSIBLE. I dare you to prove me wrong with pictures.

That is all.