BECAUSE I am a Famous Minor Television Personality, I do not merely use the Internet.
SOMETIMES THE INTERNET COMES DIRECTLY TO MY HOUSE. As you will see below.
I ENJOYED VERY MUCH the visit from Alex and Kevin Internet. You should invite them over!
That is all.
1974, WASHINGTON, DC: Gerald Ford pardons Richard Nixon.
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Ford’s pardon was the first use of the new, state-of-the-art White House pardoning pool. Previously, a presidential pardon was conveyed in the unhygienic shallows of the Potomac River.
But now Ford could wash Nixon of his sins in perfect privacy, in a heated pool with Jacuzzi jets, and using a brand-new brush made from the beard of Rutherford B. Hays (the Grant Beard Brush had long since been stolen).
