AS YOU PEOPLE ARE INTERNET USERS, perhaps you also enjoy the FULLY WIRELESS TECHNOLOGY KNOWN AS RADIO?

IF SO, then allow me to recommend THE BEST SHOW ON WFMU.

EVERY TUESDAY EVENING, from 8-11, Tom Scharpling is besieged by a rogue’s gallery of strange friends and stranger callers. They try his patience, stoke the embers of his many grudges (DOLENZ!), inspire his equally numerous enthusiasms (ABBA!), and occasionally provoke him to one of his beautifully righteous, hulk-like rage-rants.

IN COLLUSION WITH HIS FREQUENT NEMESIS, Jon Wurster, countless FANCY GUESTS, and all on his own, Scharpling has perfected a new kind of comedy of aggrievement, and THE BEST SHOW is truly one of the most surprising and delightful pieces of culture I have ever ABSORBED THROUGH MY EARS.

I MENTION THIS NOW, because this very night, TWO THINGS ARE HAPPENING that require your kind attention.

FIRST, I will be joining TOM on his program this very evening. It is a special six hour program that you can listen to on the RADIO (91.1 FM in the NY/NJ area) or on the INTERNET.

SECOND, and more important, it is Tom’s birthday today. And as is traditional, he is celebrating his birthday by THREATENING US ALL.

IF TOM “@scharpling” SCHARPLING does not reach the arbitrary benchmark of 10,000 Twitter followers by tonight’s show, he will only play bad experimental music all night.

SO I IMPLORE YOU TO FOLLOW HIM, not only because it will make my evening much more pleasant, but also because I truly believe you will enjoy what he has to say, and also because I can tell you truly: TOM SCHARPLING IS  AN INCREDIBLY TALENTED, INSANELY BIG-HEARTED, RIGHTEOUS MAN-MONSTER who deserves your support.

AND IF YOU ARE HOARDING ANY DOUBT in your suspicious heart, I give you this conversation from last July between Scharpling and the famous comedian, Paul F. Tompkins, on the subject of THE GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS.

SORRY, THIRD COAST FESTIVAL, but this is the most important radio of our generation:

That is all.

PER @randazzoj THIS MORNING on Twitter,

EVERY NOW AND THEN, when bones are slow, I require myself to watch these film clips.

HERE IS CLIP ONE

AND HERE IS CLIP “HOMAGE”

THAT IS ALL

IT JUST OCCURRED to me that SATURNALIA is almost upon us, and I have barely begun my shopping.

AS I HEAD OUT TO THE SATURNALIA COURT at the Mall of America, perhaps you will enjoy this classic holiday tale from MAC AND PC.

ALSO, AS YOU ARE SHOPPING: may I recommend WASHINGTON WALNUTS and BACON SCARVES?

(WHY am I asking you for permission? I TAKE IT BACK.)

SO, whether you like it or not: WASHINGTON WALNUTS and BACON SCARVES.

That is all.

I HAD NOT REALIZED IT, but according to the INTERNET:

MR. DICK CAVETT and I have more in common than merely my audioback book.

WITNESS:

THAT IS ALL.

BECAUSE I am a Famous Minor Television Personality, I do not merely use the Internet.

SOMETIMES THE INTERNET COMES DIRECTLY TO MY HOUSE. As you will see below.

I ENJOYED VERY MUCH the visit from Alex and Kevin Internet. You should invite them over!

That is all.