---GOOD EVENING. My name is John Hodgman.

---Thank you for picking up this PAPERBACK EDITION of my book and examining its cover closely enough to read this small, small text.

---If you are not familiar with the HARDCOVER EDITION of my book, allow me to explain that it is a compendium of fascinating trivia, historical oddities, and COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE, much like any number of American popular almanacs and desk references that preceded it, with the exception that, in my book, all of the amazing true facts are MADE UP, by me.

---The hardcover edition, I might also point out, was also incredibly hard. The cover itself was made of slate and diamonds, and the pages were of very fine heavy paper with gold edgework, half an inch thick. While obviously a very handsome edition, many college students complained to me via electronic mail that they could not afford it, nor could they afford to build the room required specifically to house it, nor the staff of three I recommended for its reading (two page-turners, working in separate shifts, plus a bookmarksman).

---Additionally, a number of carnival strongmen complained that they could not tear the book in half with their bare hands, and instead had to use expensive mechanical devices.

---Thus, we resolved to create this lower-priced "paperback" edition, with some slight differences and enhancements.

---• THE COVER IS SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT (mainly this text is
-----different, though the original introduction is still reproduced within,
-----as before).
---• There is NEW, ADDITIONAL COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE
-----that has been added to the end of this book.
---• This includes 100 NEW HOBO NAMES.
---• I have at last thanked EMILY FLAKE, renowned illustratrix and
-----contributor of the HOBO SIGN FEATURING A TRAINED MONKEY,
-----who was left out of the acknowledgments of the last edition due to a
-----bad case of HOBO SIGN FEVER.
---• And DESPITE THE MISLEADING NAME, not only the back, but in
-----fact the front cover of the book are now made of a light, flexible
-----material called PAPER.
---• This means it may be read or destroyed by any SINGLE
-----INDIVIDUAL who is thirsty for knowledge or angry at books.
---• THE SPINE, on the other hand, is still forged of the desperate hope
-----that this will all hold together somehow.

---Otherwise, this edition is essentially identical to the hardcover: the false material is still false, and the various moments of unintended truth are still true, although it increasingly seems that the world does not notice or care about the difference between the two.

---(And I'd like to point out for the record that the promotional blurb from THE CHURCH OF SATAN on the reverse of this and the prior edition remains ABSOLUTELY AUTHENTIC and not a joke [though I am not myself a Satanist], though most presume otherwise.

---If you are already familiar with this book from the hardcover edition, please allow me to say GOOD EVENING once again. Some astonishing things have occurred since we last met here in the little white type.

---FIRST, I had the pleasure of traveling our nation with the purpose of meeting readers of this book, and to my grateful surprise, THERE WERE SOME.

---SECOND, I would be remiss in not also acknowledging the entirely unpaid efforts of the HOBO ILLUSTRATION PROJECT, those dozens of cartoonists who have, without prompting or recompense, attempted to illustrate every hobo named in my book. If you are curious, you may DIAL YOUR INTERNET TO: http://www.flickr.com/groups/700hoboes/ for the surprising visual aids.

---THIRD, and meanwhile, another enterprising soul sent me a list of 1,716 ROLLER DERBY NICKNAMES ACTUALLY IN USE BY ROLLER DERBYISTS IN LOS ANGELES, including "Butterscotch Cripple," "Buttons Bust-her-knuckles," "Chairman Meow," and "Cracklin' Rosie," (and those are from the B's and C's alone!)

---And FOURTH, it is true what you have read. Since this book was first published, an actual FURRY LOBSTER has been discovered in the South Pacific. Here is a photograph of the newly classified species,
kiwa hirsuta:

---Some readers have taken this as a worrisome portent that certain items in my book may be coming true. BUT BE CALM. If you observe the "FURRY OLD LOBSTER" described in my book, you will see that they are not the same creature at all, though both are DISGUSTINGLY FURRY.

---Instead, this odd coincidence may serve to remind your that in life there is always more strangeness to observe, often at the bottom of the sea, but just as frequently right in front of you, right there at the roller derby.

---And so, after a brief period of pride in compiling herein COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE, I realize that I must not become complacent. In gratitude to you, dear reader, I promise to be vigilant, to be ever seeking for MORE AND MORE INFORMATION THAN YOU REQUIRE. (Bearing in mind that promises made in white type on a blue background are not legally enforceable in the United States.)

---This paperback edition, appropriately, is lighter, more portable, bendable, submersible, and frankly, more disposable. It is not for the ages, but for now. Go ahead, strongmen: tear it apart in your hands. Enjoy it, and then destroy it, before it destroys you.

---That is all.